Message From The Divine

And He gave some as apostles, and some as prophets, and some as evangelists, and some as pastors and teachers,

So,

Listen to the God in me as He teaches me to teach you.

Through His teaching, we are divinely inspired so this is the
DIVINE EXPRESSION


Sunday, March 28, 2010

Nevertheless


"Order my steps"


"Take my heart and mold it"

"I'll go where you want me to go"


There is a verse in the Bible, for reference purposes it is in Matthew, chapter 26, verse 39, and it reads, "O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt." I have read this verse of scripture many times as I take it to be the most important verse in the most important chapter of the entire Bible. I believe "nevertheless" to be the most important word in the entire Bible and my reasoning comes from this passage of scripture. You see Jesus had changed His mind. It was too much, it was too hard, it hurt too bad to be the Son of God coming back to save mankind. By this time Jesus knew that His time was running out and soon it would be time for His life on Earth to end. He had called some of His closest friends, a few of the disciples, to be with Him but they kept falling asleep. When Jesus needed a friend, He found Himself alone. I know what it's like to need to talk to someone but it seems as if everyone is "asleep." Too busy with their own issues and troubles to be a friend to me. So Jesus prayed. He decided to talk to the only real friend He knew, His father. Jesus had decided that since no one was there for Him on Earth, He would not be able to be there for them in Eternity. Jesus had changed His mind about being the Savior. But then He prayed, and He remembered that His purpose was bigger than Him. He remembered that His calling needed to be fulfilled. That His purpose remained to be completed. Jesus decided that He still loved the world even though the world did not love Him. Jesus said, "nevertheless." And that "nevertheless" saved salvation from utter damnation.

I am sitting in my living room coming down from a phenomenal high. I was able to meet and greet Susan Taylor, former Editor-in-Chief of Essence Magazine, Dr. Cornel West, author of Race Matters and Princeton professor, and George Clinton, the father of funk. As I sat here, I let the information I had just received process for a minute. Each of the speakers discussed how important it is to change the world we live in. Taylor spoke of mentoring, Dr. West spoke about love, another panelist, Hezekiah Griggs, spoke about being true to oneself and not letting any negativity deter us from our goals. As I began to soak up the information, I looked back over my life. I started to think about my "nevertheless" moments. When I was put out of school and thought "Nevertheless, I will graduate." When I was blacklisted at my church, I thought, "Nevertheless, I will minister." When my car did not start, I thought, "Nevertheless, there is still work to be done." I talk with my friends a lot about living purpose-filled and purpose-driven lives but I will never know the impact my rambling truly has on them. They always tell me that they are listening and that they hear me but it has yet to be seen if I have really affected them. I mentor five people in my organization and they say they love me but once again, I have yet to see the fruit of our relationship. Tonight, that all changed.

I was sitting in my living room and a tweet comes through in my @mentions. It was from a young man and he said, "I read your blog, I think you are an amazing writer and have an amazing story." He touched my heart because I never even know he was watching. I never knew he saw me, but I have touched his life in some way and for that I am grateful. You see, "nevertheless" has allowed me to be purposed so my work is anointed. My life is a testament to the grace of God. I do not take credit for anything I have done or any life God has tethered to mine. I give credit to the only one worthy of my praise and adoration. Had it not been for the hand of God on my life, my story could be so much different. Had it been up to me, I would have been three different types of statistics... But by the grace of God go I. And nevertheless, I will continue to do what God has called me to do. This life I live is so much bigger than me.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Going back, back to natural


Most people go natural because their hair is breaking or because they want to try something different. I am going natural, albeit again, because I want my daughters to know they are beautiful without having to have a relaxer. I want my daughters to look in the mirror and see the natural beauty they possess.


I decided to go natural in March of 2007 with a made-up mind and nothing else. I immediately began to transition by wearing braids that I would get redone every month. I did not trim off the relaxer ends because I was not really sure if natural was truly what I wanted to do. Being from Miami, the weave capital of the South, I was sure I would be met with resistance by friends and family. Since I have always been one to not really listen to what other thought about me, I wasn't really afraid but I did have my own second thoughts. In March of 2008 I started to wear my hair out but for graduation, and my birthday for that matter, I got a sew-in because I still trusted straight hair more than I did my natural hair. Over the summer of 2008 I wore my hair out and began to get used to my natural hair. One of the best parts about being natural was being able to play with my hair all day. With a relaxer, the hair always has to look "just right" so there is no opportunity to tease the hair throughout the day. I relished the opportunity to twist and twirl my hair. Having had relaxed hair for the majority of my life, I had no idea what to do with natural hair so I wore a puff everyday... Every single day. The most styling I would ever do was attempt to part my hair, which never really worked, but I would try. In the spring of 2009, I pressed my hair to see how it looked. It was really frizzy and fuzzy-looking so I washed my hair. Lo and behold, the back left side of my hair would not curl up. I did not think my hair was long enough to cover up the straight part of my hair so I made the decision to relax my hair. In the March of 2009, I relaxed my hair.

So here we are now. It is now March of 2010 and I have made the decision to go natural again. This time, I will not press my hair until at least my second year of being natural. I don't think my hair was ready for me to press it the last time and this time it might also be better if I went to a professional instead of standing in the mirror with a cheap flat iron.

There are also a few other things I will be doing differently this time. I will not comb my hair as much so I can give my curl time to develop. I will not blow dry my hair after I get out the shower but rather let my hair air dry, again for curl development purposes. Since I already use really good hair care products, Keracare, I will continue to use the same products on my natural hair as I do on my relaxed hair. I am doing my BC, big chop, after two months instead of after a year as I did the first time. This time I will have less hair to work with but then that will give me the freedom I am looking for.

So now I am transitioning to natural and excited. I am constantly looking up videos on YouTube for tips on how to transition and also instructional videos for hairstyles I might want to try. I'll continue to update as I progress...

Monday, March 22, 2010

A letter... with love


#DearFutureHusband,


I love you already. I don't know you. I might have never you before but I love you. I love the way you talk, the way you walk, the way you say my name. I love the way you let me cry, the way you dry my eyes, I way you let me lie... in your arms. I love that you wake up before I do. I love that you know how I like my coffee, when I drink it. I love that you start the car in the winter and you take the trash out every day. I love you pray with me and for me and without me and about me. I love that you thank God for me as I do you. I love that you support me in everything I do, even if you do not agree. I love that you debate with me. I love that you tell me to be quiet and make me want to shut up. I love that you tap me on shoulder. I love that you ask to roll over. I love that you steal the covers. I love that you're a brother. I love you more than words can ever express. I love that you love me when I'm a mess.

I love that God is preparing you for me right now. I love that you are my soul mate, my lover, and my friend. I love you in so many ways. I have loved you for so many days. I am trusting God that you are mine and I am yours.

You are my hope
You are my faith
You are my trust
You are my love

This is a love letter to you... Wherever you are. Whoever you are.

I love you

#DearFutureHusband



One of the current trending topics on Twitter is "#DearFutureHusband" and many of the women on Twitter are sharing some ideas they have about their future husband, what he should possess, and how he should treat them once they are married. I posted a few tweets but I am so disheartened about marriage that I could not work up the effort to truly participate in the trend...


Which leads me to this blog post...

I am 27 years old, educated, intelligent, goal-oriented, and well versed on many issues. I can hold a conversation, end a conversation, or change a subject with ease. My closest friends regard me as a scholar and learned thinkers believe me to be on my way to their status. But yet I am disheartened. As I approach my 28th year of life, the belief in my being married has dwindled exponentially. Maybe it's because I am single with no current prospects or maybe it is because I am fiercely independent, either way, I am beginning the doubt my own personal American dream.

A husband, 2.5 kids, a dog, white picket fence...

Prince Charming was supposed to sweep me off of my feet years ago, but years ago I was dating a man who promised me that he was single even after his fiancee called me. I have dated many men, tall, dark, smart, uneducated, big, skinny, country and refined but I always end up right where I am now. Single... Is the problem me? It could be but if the man God has for me was made for me then I can't miss him, can I?

The statistics say that most black women will be single for the overwhelming majority of their lives if not their entire lives.

So what about the women who are like me? Are we even more likely to be single forever?

Oh the thoughts that race through my cranium...


Sidebar: This was supposed to be a love letter to my future husband...

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Friends vs. "Friends"

So today's post is kind of complicated...


Kind of reflective...

Kind of...

Necessary...

So let's go...

So most days I sit in my house and I think about things... Most days my mind goes a million miles a minute and I think about more things than I care to remember. Today's thought was related to the friendships that I have. So I came to Florida A & M in the fall of 2001, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed ready for everything and prepared for nothing. With me, came 26 other young Miami Central Rockets coming in like a flood and taking no prisoners. Since there were so many of us, there was no need for any of us to get to know anyone else. In my apartment-style dorm in Palmetto Street South apartments, I was assigned to room with a friend I had known since elementary school. There were also four other women in our "house" and we all got to know each other pretty well. We were pretty far from campus so we very rarely came to the top of the Hill to participate in any freshmen activities. Fast forward five years later, I was re-enrolling in classes at the university and 95% of my old friends were gone. The only one left was graduating in the fall of that year.

It was time to make new friends...

In the spring of the next year I applied for a position on the Executive branch of the Student Government Association. Knowing nothing about student government, except for what we had done in high school, which was nothing like the mini-government I stumbled upon on the 2nd floor of the Student Union building, I was ill-prepared for the position. I applied for a secretary position and received deputy. Not knowing the difference until later, I accepted and began to work. Needless to say, I met a lot of people and gained new relationships, friendships, and associations.

Which brings me to the meat of this diatribe...

Are friends we meet/make in political circles really friends? Sometimes I watch the way new "friends" interact with each other and my answer is a resounding, "no." The discussions I have with new circle and nowhere near the life-changing conversations I used to have. Don't get me wrong, I love many of new friends but most times it just does not feel the same way it used to. I feel like many of these "friendships" are solely surface and convenience associations. Can I pour my heart out? Maybe. Can I share my secrets? Better question, after I share, will it still be a secret? If I were pregnant, who would I call? If I got arrested, would it become a trending topic on Twitter?

Simply put, I miss having real friends...




Saturday, March 06, 2010

Here We Are Again


Sitting in the bed... Thinking again... I hate it when this happens... All the thoughts I try so hard to hide come out at night... They pester me to solve their inherent problems... In the daytime, I can laugh my troubles away... Nap my troubles away, but at night... When the sky is darkest, my heart begins to trouble me... So here we are again...


There is a pain so deep in my heart and I cannot find the will to stop the pain... All I really need is decisive determination but I cannot figure out if I am missing the decisiveness or the determination. You see, I am in love with a man... I have been in love with this man for as long as I can remember loving. Others have come and others have gone but he's still here. Serving no apparent purpose but he is as sure as sunshine. I have given up trying to figure out if he loves me because if he did, we would not be here right now. We would be somewhere loving each other. I am simply a constant in his life. A reminder of the time when life was uncomplicated, when loving was easy as saying the word. Now our lives are filled with doing and being and there is a comfort we find in each other than we can not replicate anywhere. So yes, I love him. I have loved him and I will love him.

This love is unhealthy for so many reasons. He distracts me from anything and everything that I attempt to accomplish. He is my muse but I cannot let him go so I can be productive with the inspiration. He consumes my heart, my mind, and my spirit. He is as near to me as my latest thought, but as far from me as a long-distance phone call. My mind has frozen all the good times and laughter we have shared while ignoring the tears I have cried, the words I have yelled, and the promises I made to myself. And others for that matter...

Every time I am clear of him, I promise I am done with him. I make up in my mind to never allow myself to fall so deeply into him again. To not allow his words or his reminiscences to cloud my memory... and undermine my judgment... But then he comes to me... and envelops me... and gives me all the attention I need. He makes me laugh again and I forget that he has made me cry.

This is the type of love that lasts forever...

And that, my friend, is a very bad thing.